Top Or Bottom?
by FearIsButFearItself
Summary: Envy and Ed are having a conversation and Roy overhears. Confusion ensues.


_**Top Or Bottom?**_

**Summary: **_Envy and Ed are having a conversation and Roy overhears. Confusion ensues._

**A/N: **Yo! Here I am, with a new FMA fanfic! Hope you all enjoy it! ~Fibfi-Chan~

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><p>"Yeah, I like being on top." Ed said, nodding.<p>

Envy's eyebrows went up in shock. "Really? That's unexpected."

Ed let out a soft laugh. "I know, right? But I only like being on top if one: I can move around easily and two: I can get up and down without much effort. Oh, and three: if it's not too painful, 'cause sometimes it really hurts."

Envy grinned. "Ha ha! Being on top is great, though! It feels so amazing and you feel so in control!"

"I know, but still! I prefer being on the bottom… unless being on the top is like at least _one _of the things that I listed."

Envy pouted. "Bottom is no fun! It's so boring! All you do is lay there and you can barely move with hurting yourself!"

Ed shot a glare at Envy. "Well, the top is no fun! You have to move too much and if you move _wrong_, then you'll mess up EVERYTHING!" He flailed his arms for effect.

Envy gasped. "Edo! How _dare _you say that the top is no fun? I should take away your favorite ribbon for that!"

"Envyyyyy~!" Ed whined. "Don't take away my ribbon, I love my ribbon! I would get so messy without it…"

Envy laughed. "Ho ho ho, you would! I should take it away! You'd look so cute~!" He smirked at the thought.

Ed raised an eyebrow. "'Ho ho ho'…? What are you, Santa? And no, you _shouldn't _take it away! I'd look all gross, not cute!" Ed crossed his arms defiantly and pouted.

Envy smirked. "I think you mean 'Who are you', since placing 'What' in that instead of 'Who' makes me sound like an object. And no, I'm not Santa! …are you calling me old?" He ended the sentence with a threatening tone as he glared at the chibi.

Ed looked surprised. "Eeeeh? No, I'm not calling you old! Where did you get that idea? You're too much of a palm tree to get old, anyways!"

Envy's eyes narrowed. "Oh, you _**did not **_just call me a palm tree!"

Ed smirked. "Oh, yes _**I did**_! But shouldn't we get back to what we were talking about earlier? I liked that conversation more…"

"Ugh. Fine."

"So, where were we?" Ed asked.

Envy 'hmm'ed in thought. "You said that the top was no fun and I threatened to take away your ribbon."

"Oh, right. Well, I just don't think that being on top is all that great. It's so… uncomfortable." Ed made a face to emphasize his point.

Envy raised an eyebrow. "Really? I thought that the top was very comfy. It helps me stretch, too!" He smirked.

Ed blinked. "Huh. But don't you get tired after moving so much?"

"Nope! It has the opposite effect on me!"

Ed's eyes widened. "Wow! Is that really possible?"

"Of course it is! It just makes me want to move more! Hasn't that ever happened to you?" Envy asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Not that I can remember…"

Envy placed his hands on his hips and smirked. "Well then, you obviously don't have the same type of love for being on top as me!"

Ed's eye twitched. "How many times do we need to go over this? I. Hate. Being. On. Top. Of course I don't have the same love for it as you do!"

"But-but-Edo! How _can't_ you like being on top? It's so much fun!"

"…Er…" A voice interrupted their conversation, and they turned to see who it was.

"Oh, hi Colonel Bastard!" Ed cheered, smiling at Roy.

"What's up, Flaming Pony?" Envy asked, smirking.

Roy ignored the insults. "…what the _Hell _are you two talking about? Being on top of what…?"

"Whether it's more fun to be on top or bottom!" The two chorused, grinning at Roy.

"I like bottom more since being on top takes up too much energy." Ed stated, nodding.

Envy groaned. "See? I can't understand how Edo doesn't like being on top! So what if it takes up a lot of energy? That's only at first! After a while it doesn't wear you out so much!"

Ed rolled his eyes. "Riiiiiight…"

"And the top is really fun! I mean, you get to move around a lot and you get a great view!" Envy exclaimed, grinning at the thought.

"…." Roy was, to put it simply, shocked. When did Fullmetal learn about this stuff…? And why would he talk about it with Envy? "Ah, Fullmetal, if you don't mind me asking… Why are you two talking about something like this as if it's nothing?"

Envy and Ed exchanged glances. "Well, we're going camping soon, and-"

"No!" Roy shouted, covering his ears. "Never mind! Forget I asked!" And with that, he left, muttering about how crazy Envy and Ed were.

Ed looked confused. "What's wrong with talking about camping?"

Envy scoffed. "He probably couldn't handle the fact that you and I were going to be sleeping in bunk beds. So, back to our discussion: Are you getting the top bunk or am I? If you get it then we're going to be sharing! I'm _not _sleeping on the bottom bunk! It's so boring!"

"There's no way that I'm sleeping in the top bunk, you can have it! Like I said earlier; it takes too much energy to get up and down!"

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><p><strong>AN: **So, to sum up the story since I doubt that I wrote it well enough for anyone besides myself to understand it:

Ed and Envy are having a conversation about bunk beds and why they like having the top and/or bottom bunk but never specify what they're talking about (besides whether they like top or bottom more). Roy overhears them and thinks that they're talking about sex. He freaks out, Envy and Ed are confused and I reveal that –lo and behold– they're talking about bunk beds! Shocking, right? Not really. -pouts- Anywho, please review and tell me what you think of the story! ~Fibfi-Chan~


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